My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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