No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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