My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
