so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal