That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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