I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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