Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
