I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I just sharted jello shots
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