god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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