I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize