I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
