Pappa wants mamma naked
i barfeds in our rink
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
