If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
