so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
