I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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