We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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