You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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