I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
