Please don't use social media to get back at me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They have beer where we have blood.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
