I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
