3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
