I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
