I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
