are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
