We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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