watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
