Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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