If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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