Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
