I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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