Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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