I cut my penus on the lid.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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