Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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