Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
