we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
