And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
