Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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