If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
