The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize