I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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