Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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