you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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