Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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