I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
