Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize