conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's rum buckets o'clock
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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