Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
