I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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