i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
