I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
false alarm, still single
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize