just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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