The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
