Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
