I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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