so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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