Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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