Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
