just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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