he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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