How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
